I Can't Hold On
by MagicInTheMusic
Summary: "Fight, please Fight" I yelled. "I, can't, hold, on" the words rang into my ears. "I love you" might just be the last thing I ever heard come from those beautiful lips...
1. Chapter 1

I'm Sorry

"Stark, are you okay?" I almost yelled as he fell to the kitchen floor. I ran over to him, my mouth gapped open. Then I knelt down on the hard floor where he had fallen, his eyes were fluttering.

"Zoey, what happened?" he asked, trying to sit up. I shook my head and pushed his shoulder down. I took off the blue shawl I was wearing and put it under his head.

"No," was all I said. "Stay down for a second, normal people don't just faint out of no where," I explained. I stood up and grabbed a plastic cup from the cupboard and turned the faucet on cold. I put the cup under the cold water then ran it until it was half full, then turned off the water. I knelt back down to Stark.

"Zoey, this is silly. I'm fine," he said as I rested on my knees. I didn't say anything, just helped him into a sitting position, and made him drink all the water. "Now will you tell me what this is all about?" he asked.

I sighed, "People just don't faint out of no where. You scared me for a minute there," I explained.

He put his hand on my cheek and I leaned into it. "I'm sorry I scared you. I just got a little light headed, I promise, I'm fine. Now help me sit up," he joked, but when he went to stand up he wobbled a little and was shaky on his feet.

He grasped the counter as I went to go pick up my shawl. I stood back up and put it on, then I took the hand that held the counter in my hand. I held him tight to my side went to go sit back on the couch.

Three Days Later

I woke up the next morning to find Stark not in our bed. I pushed the covers off of my body and stood up. I yawned and trudged my way to the bathroom to brush my bed-head hair. The door was close and the light was on, which was extremely weird, but I pushed open the door anyway.

I gasped and took in a full breath of air. Stark was on the floor, with his head over the toilet throwing up. I got down beside him and brushed his hair out of his eyes. I rubbed his back for a moment trying to calm his shallow breathes down. I stood up for a moment and grabbed a small wash-cloth, then drenched it in cold water. I rung it out, and folded it hot-dog style. Then I knelt back down. He stopped puking for a second so I wiped his mouth with a different towel, put the cold one on the back of his neck and got a small plastic cup from the sink. Then filled it with water and gave it to him to drink. He took it with shaky hands and put it to his lips. He only took a little, then set it down on the floor. If I knew Stark like I did, every time he got this sick it hurt him worse than most people. I felt his forehead, it didn't feel to hot.

"Feel any better?" I asked; concern heavily laced in my voice.

He shook his head slowly, "My head feels like like nails are being hammered into it," he whispered.

I leaned in and kissed his forehead lightly, then pushed myself closer to him. I pulled his head down to my chest.

I don't know how long we sat like that, but after a while my butt went numb. I pulled his head back, "Any better?" I asked.

"A little," he said.

"Can you stand, or do you need help?" I said getting ready to stand up.

"I can stand," he told me, wobbling to get to his knees. I wrapped my arms around his waist and helped him stand. Once he was up, I kept one arm wrapped around his waist as I pulled him to the living room.

Once in the living room, I helped him sit down.

"Hold on," I said and walked back to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I grabbed some painkillers and a glass of water, then went back to the living room. I handed them both to Stark and he put the capsules in his mouth and gulped the water. "Does your head still hurt?" I asked him.

"A little, I just feel dizzy," he explained.

"Okay, what I gave you should help some, but I need to get changed quick. If you need me, holler," I told him, and he nodded. Then I walked back to our room. I put some dark-wash, straight leg jeans on, then threw on one of my plain blue tanks. Then I walked to the bathroom and brushed my black hair and then brushed my teeth.

I walked back out and sat by Stark, "I've decided, we're taking you to the doctor to get checkout. First you faint, then you get sick out of no where, and also you have a terrible headache. No exceptions, I just want to make sure you're okay," I announced.

He nodded slowly, and I planted another kiss on his clammy forehead.

For the rest of the day I cleaned, made food, ate, called the hospital, and made sure Stark was okay. Nothing to eventful happened. I am great full for this because the next day would be my own person Hell.


	2. Chapter 2

I Can't Hold On

"Mr. and Mrs. Redbird, please sit down" Dr. Gray said to Stark and I as we sat in his office. Dr. Gray had black hair, with a little gray growing. He was skinny, not big and heavyweight. He wore a white doctors coat and had a sad expression on his face.

Stark and I sat down in the two chairs that sat closest to each other. I put my arm on the armrest and Stark took my hand in his and squeezed it, I did it back.

I nodded my head for him to continue.

"Mr. Redbird-" he started but was cut off by Stark.

"Just call me Stark please" he requested.

"Sure," he said. "Stark, we have done a CT Scan of your brain, and other parts of your body. Stark, you have brain cancer," Dr. Gray finished.

I put my hand to my mouth to bite back a scream. I squeezed Stark hand harder and he squeezed mine equally hard. I turned my head slowly, my hand still pressed to my mouth. Stark turned too and we just stared into each others eyes for I don't know how long.

I finally mustered some fake courage, removed my hand from my mouth, and faced the doctor again. "Time, options?" I asked.

"Well we can do a combination of radiation and chemo. But first we have to do a surgery and determine the size and grade of the tumor. Then we can see if we can remove it all. But the tumor is big and growing rapidly so I must warn you, surgery may not be an option."

"When do we start the chemo\radiation?" Stark asked.

"Well, if you're comfortable with it, we can start chemo today, and after the surgery, radiation," he explained, "So do you want to do it today or wait?"

Stark and I shared a look, "Today," he said.

"Okay," said Dr. Gray, and then we had paper to sign for the whatever.

"Time?" I said again.

"Ten to fifteen percent survival rate," he said and with that my head dropped to my knees.

LATER THAT DAY

"Okay, I'm going to put the I.V. in you arm, then it will flow through your body. I'll come back in a little while to take it out. You might feel sick, nauseated, may vomit, may feel lightheaded, dizzy, or feel fatigued. It's normal," the nurse explained to us as Stark sat in a white hospital bed. I hated seeing him there.

"Will I lose my hair?" Stark asked. He would be worried about his hair, I put a sad smile on my lips.

"Well, they do a biopsy on you brain, so either you or they will shave your head either way. They'll do the biopsy in two days," she said, it sounded like she did this twenty times a day; unemotional and uncaring. She took the needle and pierced Stark's skin, we both winced as it went through, into the vein. "I'll be back in a little while to check you," she said, then left us there in that little hospital room.

I sighed and pulled up a chair, I was so tired. I lifted my head up and looked at Stark. He looked broken, like a semi had just ran him over and split him in two. I pulled out of my chair and sat on the hospital bed with him. "It's okay," was all I said before I pulled him to me. I wrapped my arms around him and he wrapped his tightly around my torso. I rocked back and fourth, out bodies pressed tightly together. I felt hot wetness on my shoulder, and I realized he was crying. "It'll be okay," I muttered, "You can do this, I'm right here," is what I said again and again, until Stark pulled back. His face poised to puke, I reacted on a seconds notice. I looked behind me and found a gray tub. I thrust it at him and he leaned over it and threw up. He continued to do this for a while, I felt so helpless.

I couldn't do anything, but rub his back and hold his hand. It was agonizing. He finally stopped and I took the gray tub from him. I had to pry it from his hands; they were like iron claws wrapped around it. Stark was breathing hard and panting. I took a tissue from the box and wiped his mouth. Then poured some water into a cup and gave it to him.

He took it and pressed the cup to his lips. Then gave it back to me and I sat it on the counter by the bed.

"It's over," I said to him and he nodded.

"For now," he said in a weak voice.

"Anything else hurt?" I asked.

"My head, and my stomach is still queasy," he told me and I pushed his shoulder back so that he laid down.

I stood up and leaned down. I carefully pressed my lips to his and he responded instantly. It was a light make-out, but it still brightened my day. I pulled back when I heard the door come open. I also jumped like a kid caught by his parents doing something he wasn't supposed to do. I blushed and stood up. I was twenty three years old and still blushing.

The nurse smiled, "I see we're feeling a bit better than a little earlier?" she laughed. Then she came over and took the needle out of his arm and put a band-aid where the puncture was. "All done, you'll probably feel week and a bit dizzy for a while, but it should subside. You're released to go anytime," she finished with a smile and then left the room.

"Ready?" I asked as I saw Stark trying to sit up.

"Yea, can you help me up," he laughed, but I took his hands and pulled him into a sitting position first then helped him stand up. I wrapped his arm around my should then I looped my arm around his waist. Then we walked slowly out of the hospital room. I leaned my head on his shoulder as we walked outside to my car. I opened the passenger side door and helped him in. He buckled the seatbelt and the door shut with a soft thud.

I opened my door and shut it, then turned on the car. Next, I started the twenty-five minute drive home. Stark fell asleep on the way there, he must have been so worn out. I spent the whole way contemplating what in the hell I was going to do.

**Okay, sad I know. Please don't yell or complain to me if I'm doing the whole brain cancer thing wrong. I'm doing all that I can in research! Luv you guys! 3 **


	3. Chapter 3

I'm Sorry

"Wake up, sleepy. We have to go meet the coven tonight," I whispered as I gently shook Stark awake. We were both Wiccan, and I was the High priestess of the coven and we were meeting tonight for a circle in the woods. I smiled as he rolled over on his back. "Morning," I said again.

"How'd I get up here?" He asked.

I laughed, "I carried you, wasn't to hard."

"Oh! I'm sorry I fell asleep in the car, you could've woke me up," he fell over his words trying to get them out.

I laughed again, "Shh, you needed sleep. Wasn't even hard to carry you up. It's fine."

He sighed with relief. "Okay, let's go get everything set up."

I smiled and pulled him up. Then I rushed to the meditation room to grab incense, candles, a moonstone, tigers-eye, and rose quarts, my athame, salt, four chalices, and matches. I gave stark the candles and the stones and I carried the rest.

We walked side by side through the forest behind out house to the grassy-mossy spot with the pre-made circle I put the purple candle in the middle where a tree stump rested. Then I put in the East, the yellow Air candle, in the South I put a red candle for Fire, in the West I put the blue Water candle down. Last, the green Earth candle in the North. I smiled at the set up and put the four chalices by each element. I filled the one by air with sand and put and incense stick in it. The one by fire I a few crystals, and the one by water I filled with water. Last, the one for Earth I just put some dirt in it.

Then I set the salt by the stump and my athame on the stump. I took the other crystal from Stark and set them by my athame.

"Okay, all set. Let's go back to the house and check if anyone's here yet," I announced and Stark and I walked back to our house.

The door bell rang as we entered through the back porch. I opened the door and Stark sat on the couch.

"Hey, Z!" Shaunee Cole said as she walked into my house. Shaunee was a mocha-creme colored Jamaican. She is obsessed with shopping and is the representation for Air. Her twin, they're not really twins, but once you saw them both together you would know, Erin, had not yet arrived.

"Hey Shaunee! Help yourself to whatever, or you can just sit until the rest of the coven gets here," I greeted her.

"Okay," she said then headed to the kitchen, got some cider that I had put out, then went to sit on the couch by Stark.

Later, Erin, Damien, Jack, Aphrodite, and Darius showed up. Stevie Rae was on a trip to Africa right now and couldn't be with us.

MIDDLE OF THE CIRCLE

"With the power of the Goddess and God, I light this Spirit candle in representation of ourselves and those around us forever!" I shouted to the sky. I lit the purple candle and all Hell turned up. I looked over to our small little circle. I was in the middle and everyone was grasping hands. I looked up to Stark, who looked shaky. Just before my eyes, he fell on his head on the ground. I saw his eyes roll back into his head before he hit the ground too. I closed the circle by just blowing all the candles out and then rushed over to where Stark had fallen.

I looked straight at Damien, "Call 9-1-1 now!" he hesitated for a moment. "Now!" I shouted, frantic again. He raced back to the house.

I check Stark for a pulse, he wasn't breathing. Hot tears raced down the sides of my face. No, don't die. I kept saying to myself. I pushed on his chest and tried to put air into him for five minutes.

Then I heard the siren. Paramedics rushed out of the ambulance with stretcher. I pried myself off of Stark still form. As they strapped him on, one looked at me. "He has brain cancer," I explained, like it made it all better.

I sobbed as they put him in the back of the ambulance. After they headed down the rode I rushed to my car, forgetting the circle. I drove with blurry eyes. I was sobbing, the tremors rocking my body. _Don't die. I can't lose you like this,_ was all I thought the whole way to the hospital.

**So? Will he die? Should I let him live? Review and tell me! :) I might let him live if I get enough reviews! :) Luv Ya'll! :) (SORRY! :))**


	4. Chapter 4

Comatose

I raced into the hospital, it had stared pouring outside and I was soaked. I was still crying when I sat down in one of the hospital chairs; they were very uncomfortable. I sat with my hands in my knees for an hour and a half. I was so worried. I tried to pull myself together when I saw a doctor in scrubs coming my way. I wiped my eyes as he called out, "Redbird?"

"Here," I said and he walked over to me and pulled a chair around. "How's Stark?" I asked the moment he sat down.

"Hello, my name is Doctor Shat. Stark was not breathing when he came in so we immediately put him on a ventilator. We have been operating on his brain for a while now and we know that you are aware he has brain cancer. I'm sorry, but it has spread. When he hit the ground he went into a coma and still hasn't woken up. We are moving him to a room in the ICU right now. He is still unconscious," Dr. Shat said slowly. He enunciated each word.

I sobbed again for a second then a question rose to my lips, "When can I see him?"

"Well you can go now if you like, but I have to warn you. He's hooked up to lots of tubes and wires, and we put a bandage around his head to keep pressure on where he cut his head. This is all normal for someone in his condition," he explained.

"Okay," I said and then a bundle of blond, bouncy, curly hair came flying toward me like an Oklahoma storm.

Stevie Rae was here. "Oh, Z, I'm so sorry. I heard about Stark, is he okay?" she asked pulling me into a huge hug.

"Why aren't you in Australia?" I asked avoiding her questions. I was so glad that she was here though. I hadn't seen her in nine months.

"The moment I heard about Stark's cancer I bought a ticket and flew back here. Now how is he?" she proceeded.

"He-he's in a coma," I sobbed again. "He's on a ventilator. He-he can't breath," I let out in a breath and I felt hot tears welling up in my eyes.

"Oh, Z, it's okay. Now, you're okay, let's go see Stark," she said then took my hand and we followed the doctor to the ICU.

"Okay, this is his room. If you talk to him, he can hear you. You're free to go in," Dr. Shat said, then walked away.

I let out a breath.

"Do you want to go in first?" Stevie Rae asked me.

I nodded my head and opened the glass door. I looked over to Stark. He had a million tubes and wires hooked up to his body, and his skin was as pale as the sheet covers. His head was also wrapped in gauze. It was kind of frightening.

I pulled in a breath of air and walked over to his side. I almost let the tears spill out again, almost. I took his hand shakily. "I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I'm here Stark. I'll always be here. I'm so sorry about what happened, I love you so much. Please don't leave me, please don't. I don't know what I would do without you," I explained, and then sat down in a chair beside the bed. "You're my life, and my world, and know that whatever happens, whatever comes to knock us down, I'll always be here. I love you." I finished, then kissed his hand.

Stevie Rae came in after and sat with me. I cried and talked to Stark and just help his hand.

4 DAYS LATER

"I think you should sign a DNR, it's been four days without any change." Dr. Shat was telling me that I should just let my boyfriend die.

"What!" I exclaimed.

"He could be like this for months and never wake up, it's time to let nature take it's course if you let it, we would unhook the ventilator and see if he breathes, if not we just let him go. No heroic measures," he tried to explain to me.

Tears wetted me eyes again and I understood his logic, Oh Goddess, was all I was thinking. I sniffled "Just let me say goodbye before I sign it," I tried to say, and he nodded. I stood up on shaky knees and the doctor followed me out.

He stayed by the door and I went into Stark's hospital room. I opened the door and headed in.

I felt tears overflow as I looked upon his pale and still form. I sat down on a chair by his bed and took his hand. I looked straight to his closed eyes, trying to avoid the ventilator that was in his mouth. "I'm so sorry," I choked out. "This is all my fault, I really don't know if you can hear me or not still, but I love you so much, you have made my life amazing in every way. I still remember the day we met," I laughed through the tears.

_Flashback! _

_I looked around the nightclub in Tulsa, Oklahoma. It was my senior year in high school and I had jut turned eighteen about two weeks ago. I was just coming to hang out._

_I started dancing to the music, diet coke in hand when I spotted someone eying me. He had dark golden hair with a cocky smile. He strolled over me looking casual then bumped into me sarcastically. "Oh, I'm sorry miss. I just wasn't watching where I was going," he laughed._

_I smiled shyly. "I guess not," I said, playing along._

"_Can I make it up to you with a dance?" he asked, holding out his hand._

_I smiled and nodded. Then we danced all night, even for a few slow song, but the evening had to come to and end._

"_Can I get your number?" he asked casually as the next song ended and I started to head to my coat. _

_I laughed and felt like playing hard to get for once, "No," I said and laughed when his face fell. "But I can give you my name."_

_I put on my coat, it was snowing outside so I put on a scarf and gloves too. Once I was ready to slip out the door, I made him lean really close to my lips. "Zoey Redbird," I laughed then ran out the nightclub's door before he could call after me. I hoped into my car and went back to the house I lived in at the time._

_The next day I received a call from a guy named Stark. Completely surprising me._

"I wonder if you still remember?" I thought to myself, then I saw his hand tighten just a centimeter around my hand. I gasped and the I heard a loud beeping noise from one of the machines. "Doctor!" I screamed, afraid that he was crashing. Doctor Shat raced into the room and looked at the beeping machine and smiled, I lost it. "How can you be smiling! Is he dying?" I shouted.

"Shh, he's breathing on his own. That's just the machine letting us know that he can breath without it," he smiled. "Hold his hand and see if you can get him to open his eyes," he instructed.

I didn't know which emotion to feel, but I took Stark's hand in mind and squeezed while I rubbed circles onto the top of his hand with my thumb. I stood and leaned close to him, "Stark if you can hear me or feel my hand in yours, please open your eyes. Please open your eyes, I need to know you're in there. Please Stark, I love you," I pleaded and then I saw his eyes flutter.

**So, surprises? Maybe... I know the way they met is a bit cheesy, but I like it :) (No Vampyres if you haven't already found out :)) Please review to let me know if I'm doin good! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

I'm Sorry

_And then I saw his eyes flutter._

I watched Stark open his eyes and my eyes overflowed with tears; this time happy ones. I smiled and planted a kiss on his forehead. He looked around, dazed and confused. He looked to the doctor.

"Stark, you hit your head when you feel down and went into a coma. You have been out for around four and a half days now. The thing in you throat is a ventilator and I'm going to take that out right now." He said then took the tube in his hands. "On three blow out air as hard as you can and I'm going to take the tube out. Blink once if you understand."

Stark blinked once.

"One, two, three," he said and then yanked the ventilator out of Stark's throat and then replaced it with an oxygen mask over his mouth. Stark was breathing heavily into it. "Deep breathes," the doctor said. Then Stark pointed to the mask after about three minutes and the doctor nodded and removed the mask.

I saw Stark look at me with confusion and pull his hand out of mine. I frowned.

"I'm sorry. Who are you," he asked, his voice hoarse.

"What?" I asked, not fully understanding what was happening. Then it hit me, I looked at Dr. Shat, "He doesn't remember me?" I whispered.

Dr. Shat then did some tests on Stark. This is what he determined, "He had a severe case of amnesia, it seem like he has no memory of you at all or of the last five years of his life. He thinks he's twenty years old. When he fell, the biggest occurrence in his life, which is obviously you, was lost along with whatever happened in that period is gone too. I'm sorry Mrs. Redbird." He looked down, "I will keep evaluating, it may go away on it's own. Just try to help him remember," he whispered in a low voice so only I could here. Then he turned back to Stark, "Stark, this is your girlfriend Zoey Redbird, you have been dating for five years. She's been here with you the whole time. I'll leave you two alone and then I'll come back later," he finished then left.

I took a shaky breath in and then looked at Stark, he looked so shocked. "I'm-I'm sorry, I don't remember you," he said, his voice unsure.

I put a sad smile on my lips and sat down in the chair by his bed, "That's okay, but my name is Zoey Redbird, we met when I was eighteen." I said.

He nodded, "How-how did we meet?" he asked me cautiously.

I smiled and then launched into the story of how we met at the nightclub.

I stopped their as he tried to digest the information I had just told him. He nodded his head and looked off to the edge of the room. "You know," I started, "I left someone waiting for me out there, I'll give you a minute by yourself and I'll go see her," I said, looking for an escape route from his unknowing eyes.

"Wait," he called before I could make a hasty exit.

I stopped and turned around to him, "I know I don't remember you, and I wish I could. I do, but even if I don't I feel a connection to you that I really can't explain. Please don't leave just yet, I know that this is weird for you and it's weird for me too, but please don't leave," he pleaded with me.

I let out a worn out sigh and made my way back to the chair to sit down. I face him and rested my arm on the side on his bed. "What do you want to know?" I asked.

"What did you like about me when you met me?"

"Hmm," I smiled, "I liked your smile, that was my favorite." As I said this my favorite cocky smile spread across his lips. I laughed, "That one. Umm, your personality drew me to you, you were always so happy and sure. You knew just what I was thinking," I stopped to make sure I wasn't overwhelming him,but he was still smiling.

"You know, I wasn't just making excuses, I really do have a friend waiting on me. I'll talk to you later Stark," I said then stood and, to my surprise, he squeezed my hand that was resting on the bed. I squeezed back, smiled then headed out to see Stevie Rae.

I saw her sitting in one of the hospital chairs and the moment she saw my face she came running to me. I cried so much lately, it was almost embarrassing.

"What happened?" She asked, enveloping me in a hug.

"He woke up, and-and he has no memory of the last five years of his life. No memory of me at all. The doctor said that the biggest moment of his life is me, and that from there it's gone. What am I going to do? He doesn't even know me anymore," I sobbed into her shoulder.

"It's okay, Z. Come on, your mascara is running," she said, then hauled me to the hospital bathroom.

I spent the first ten minutes crying to Stevie Rae, then spent the next five removing and reapplying makeup. Then I pulled myself together.

"I'm okay now," I announced. I took a deep breath and jumped down from the bathroom counter.

"Do you want to go back in there now?" She asked.

I nodded and strode out of the bathroom. I left Stevie Rae in the waiting room because she said it's better not overwhelm him to much with friends he doesn't remember. I walked back over to Stark's room and knocked on the door, unsure. He must have saw me coming because he laughed, then said hoarsely, "Oh, just come in Zoey."

I smiled, then opened then door, closed it, and then sat down in the chair by the bed. I rested my hand on the side of the bed again, and surprising me, he took my hand. I looked up, expecting to see him still laughing at me, instead I found him closed eyes with a single tear running down his cheek. I felt my heart break. I stood up out of the chair and sat down on the edge of the bed with him. I took the hand he wasn't holding and wiped the tear away. I wish he remembered so bad, I wish he knew what we were together. Without knowing what he was crying about, and not caring if he remembered me or not, I removed my hand from his then wrapped my arms around him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and sobbed into my shoulder. I didn't try to quiet him down, I just held him there and I rubbed his back. I swayed back and fourth for a while with him in my arms. He cried and just stayed there for a long time, eventually he stopped and I looked down and realized that he had fallen asleep.

I sighed then put one of my hands on the back of his head so it didn't flop backwards and wake him up. I set him down gently against the pillows and pulled the covers up to his torso, stepping off the bed and brushing back his hair. I looked at unguarded faced, then leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"I love you," I whispered, then wrote on a piece of paper that I had gone to get some kind of caffeine, then I went home. I put it on the little table by his bed then I left the room.

Later, I went and got a brown pop, not die eww, with Stevie Rae, then sent her home to her husband Rephiam. Then I emailed the circle what had happened and then cried myself to sleep.

**Okay, after he got amnesia, I don't care if I just moved way to fast. I like it this way! :) Tell me what ya think! :) Luv Ya'll still! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

I Can't Hold On

I called the hospital each day for a week, each time I got answered by a nurse named Neferet telling me I shouldn't come in because "I already had overwhelmed that poor boy enough and I didn't need to do any more damage with my pitiful sob story." I had had enough, I hadn't seen Stark in a week, I called the hospital again today and I got answered by a nurse with the name of Sandra. She said Stark had been asking for me all week, also that he remembered half of the first year we were dating. I jumped up and down at this. She also said that Dr. Shat needed to talk to me right away because Stark's parents were in Scotland visiting some relatives and couldn't come. After I told her about the nurse named Neferet. She said she would look into it. I agreed right away and then hoped into my car and drove to the hospital.

I parked my car then got out, slammed the door and ran into the hospital. I reached the counter and told her Stark's name and she pointed me to room 284. I used the elevator and went to floor two. I got stopped by Dr. Shat just before entering Stark's room. "Yes?" I asked.

"Zoey, we need to talk, can you come to my office now?" he asked me.

I said yes and he led me to his little gray office.

Once there he sat down in his chair, "Zoey, we haven't started chemo again on Stark yet because we fear we could interfere with his amnesia. His condition is deteriorating without it and he is not eating now. We will wait another week or so and then we must restart chemo and radiation with or without his memory," he explained.

I nodded, "Is that it?" I asked.

He nodded and I headed off to Stark's room. I didn't knock this time, but walked right in. As soon as I walked in Stark's eyes lit up like a little kid's on Christmas morning. I laughed.

"Zoey, I remember," he announced.

"I heard," I said as I sat down in the chair beside the bed.

"Why haven't you been here?" he asked indignantly.

"Some nurse was telling me that I shouldn't bother you so I listened to her up until today. I'm so happy you remember some."

He grabbed my arm and pulled me onto the bed, then pulled my face down to his. He locked our lips and began kissing me. It took a moment for me to respond because it shocked me so much, but I kissed him right back after a second.

"I've been waiting a while for that," he said, "but now you're here and I can do it again."

I laughed, "Don't forget I've been waiting too."

"So, I've been thinking. Since we've been dating for five year, do we live together?" he asked, then looked to the ground. He looked so awkward.

I nodded, "Yea we do."

"Okay, so when can I leave here?"

"I talked to the doctor earlier and he said we can leave right after I sign a release form."

"Okay, so how about now? I'm tired of this place already," he laughed.

"On one condition," I started.

"Anything," he replied.

"You start eating once we get there."

"Fine," he sighed, "if it gets me out of here, I'll do just about anything."

"Great," I announced, then opened up my purse and tossed him a pair of jeans and a black tee-shirt. "Put these on while I go get the nurse to sign the forms," I said, then opened the door and walked over to the nurse.

I signed the forms and then I walked back over to Stark's room. I opened the door and he was smiling, his feet hanging over the edge of the bed. I walked over and offered my hand. Then we walked hand-in-hand back to my car. He was shaky so I made sure to walk slow. He almost fell once out the parking lot, but I made sure he stayed up.

I opened the passenger side of the door for him and then shut it when he was in. Then I drove us home.

"Okay, this is home," I announced when we walked up the sidewalk and opened the front door.

"Give me a tour?" he asked.

Though it broke my heart that he didn't remember anything, I nodded and smiled. Then proceeded to show him the rest of the house. I explained, since he only remembered half of the first year that we were dating, that I would sleeping in the guest bedroom. He just nodded and looked half disappointed. Then I showed him the rest of the house.

Stark had been Wiccan since he was thirteen, and he knew I was, because I told him when we started dating, so I showed him our circle outside. He commented saying, we must have worked very powerful magick here. I nodded and led him back inside the house.

He crashed on the couch, breathing heavily. That must have taken a lot out of him, I thought to myself. Making sure he kept good on his promise, I made him some toast and made sure he ate it. Then I sat down on the other side of the couch and turn on the fireplace. The radio was already on so it wasn't dead silent. I sat there for a while in silence before I realized I was really tired and it was ten o'clock. I stood up from the couch and stretched.

"Where ya' going?" Stark asked me.

"Bed, I'm tired. You should probably go too," I laughed, then walked my way to the guest bedroom with Stark on my heels. I said goodnight to him and made sure he was okay sleeping in the room, then I went back to the guest bedroom, put night clothes on, and jumped into the bed. Then it hit me, I was all alone.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm Sorry

I was in the kitchen making myself eggs for my egg sandwich when I felt strong arms engulf me from behind. I smiled as I turned in his arms. "Morning," I smiled, as he kissed me. It wasn't just a playful one, it had more passion and intensity behind it. It hit me when he smiled at me after he broke the kiss. "Oh," I said smartly.

He smiled my favorite cocky smile. "That's your clue," he said.

"How much more do you remember?" I asked hugging him close.

"It ended on our two year anniversary, I think. I took you to a dock and we had a picnic at night, under the stars, on a boat," he laughed.

I laughed too, remembering what happened that night. I hugged him harder. I broke off suddenly and flipped my eggs. He laughed at me because they almost burned. "Only three more years left," I murmured. "Want some eggs?" I asked.

"Sure."

I cooked him some eggs, then I sat down in the living room, turned the TV on and ate my egg sandwich. I finished and then my cellphone rand, I groaned then ran to go it. Stark stayed in the living room. Turns out I left my phone in the bathroom, haha. It was a number I didn't recognize.

"Hello?" I answered.

"_Hello Mrs. Redbird, this is Dr. Shat."_

"Oh okay, hi."

"_I'm terribly sorry Mrs. Redbird, I miscalculated. We are going to have to bring Stark in for chemo today or his chances for living will dwindle very fast."_

"You! Miscalculated?"

"_Yes, I am so sorry."_

"Okay, but when can we come in." Stark was coming to find me, he must have heard me shout.

"_In about an hour if you could, we'll get it all set up, then you can go home again. I'm so terribly sorry."_

"Okay, in an hour. Goodbye."

"_Goodbye."_

I hung up the phone and looked at Stark with sad and tired eyes. "What?" he said nervously.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes. I pulled back and said, "We got to go back to the hospital. You have to get more chemo or else you won't survive the cancer they said. I was hoping you would have more time to get your memories back, but I love you with or without you memories. Plus I'd rather have you alive and memoryless than dead and know everything," I said with a forced laugh. Then I wrapped my arms around him again, and his strong arms came and hugged me around my waist. I knew I was kinda being a baby, being needy and all, but this was tearing me apart. I pulled apart and he bent down to kiss me again. It was sweet this time, but still had the intensity. We broke apart and then he went to go change, then I went to go take a shower.

I grabbed my towel and dried off. Then headed to the bedroom where all my clothes were. I put on a comfy pair of dark wash jeans, a while undershirt, then a long sleeve dark blue shirt. I sighed and brushed out my hair, and put on some pearly eyeshadow. Then I shut the bedroom door behind me; it was time to go. "Stark," I called, not knowing where he was, "time to go."

He came down the hallway from the laundry room a minute later. I grabbed his hand and we walked to the front door, and then to my car.

I checked us in at the front desk and then a nurse met us in the hospital room. She set up and IV that poured the chemo into his body. Then she said she'll be back in a while to take it out. When she left I had a sinking feeling that we would be doing this for a long time. I guess that was better than the alternative... for now.

"Wait fifteen minutes and I'll be puking my guts up," he laughed, but his eyes said a different story.

I looked at him sympathetically. "It'll be okay," I tried to sooth him.

"We'll be okay," he corrected me pulling me to sit on the bed with him.

"We'll be okay," I repeated, then leaned against his shoulder.

Sure enough, fifteen minutes into it I opened my eyes, looked to Stark, and grabbed the basket by the bed. I thrust it under his mouth just in time for him to throw up. I brushed his hair back off his forehead and put my hand on his back. He stopped finally, breathing heavily. I took the basket from him and gave him a small cup of water. He handed it back to me after he took a sip. I kissed him on the forehead and made him lean back onto the bed. He pulled me back mumbling something about if he's going down, I'm going too. I didn't resist, just laid back into the bed with him. I rubbed his arm and kissed his cheek as he closed his eyes.

"I will _always _love you," I whispered into his ear, but he was already asleep.

**What'd ya think? I think this was okay, I promise to write more next chapter! :) **


	8. Chapter 8

I'm Sorry

A nurse woke me up first and asked if I could wake Stark up, she said to come get her once he was awake so she could take out the needle. I barely touched him before he shot up screaming out in pain. He sat up and rocked back in forth, holding his head, and screaming. I fumbled around, then reached down to pry his hands off his head.

"Calm down, tell me what's wrong," I pleaded with him.

He kept rocking back and forth, a vise-like grip on his head, "My head, it hurts!" he screamed.

That's when the nurse came running in, she took off the needle and put a band-aid on Stark in one movement, then looked to me. "He said his head really hurts, I don't know," I said frantically.

She pulled a syringe out, stopped Stark's rocking, then gave him a quick shot in the arm. The moment she was done he went back to rocking and holding his head. "That should help in about ten minutes, but that's all I can do," she said, then left the room.

I didn't know what else to do, so I sat on the bed beside Stark, stopped his rocking, and pulled his head close to my chest. He kept his hands on his head. He sobbed in pain once more and I felt so helpless. Here was the guy I loved in excruciating pain, and I couldn't do a thing about it.

He finally stopped sobbing and and screaming so I pulled him off my chest and looked him in the eyes. "What happened?" I asked.

"I don't know. It felt like someone was drilling into my skull. Sorry for screaming at you," he looked to the ground, embarrassed.

I half smile, "It's okay, I might regain full hear again... someday," I joked.

He laughed for a moment, surprising himself. "Thanks," he said.

"Anytime," I laughed.

THE NEXT DAY (AFTERNOON)

I was talking with Stark and showing him pictures of the last five years of us together when the front doorbell rang. I got up and shrugged then went to go open the door. I grabbed the knob and Stark followed me to stand right next to me. He swayed a little, he was still worn out from yesterday's and we had to go again today. I turned the knob and opened the door. I heard Stark gasp. There, standing in my doorway, were Bonnie and Alan, Stark's parents.

"Mom? Dad? What're you doing here?" he said completely confused. Oh, I forgot to mention, Stark's parents hate that we're dating and wish I would just go die in a ditch. That is quote straight from the horses mouth, a.k.a. Bonnie.

"Oh, we heard you got cancer and lost your memory, so we thought we would bring you back to Scotland with us, seeing as you don't remember this bitch over here," his mother said acting sweet. My mouth just about dropped to the floor.

Another thing I didn't mention, Stark has a little issue of standing up for himself and telling his parents no, so I wasn't surprised when he said, "Where are you staying now?"

I looked at him like he'd lost his mind.

His mother smiled and his father did too. "Oh we're staying in Oklahoma for about a week, you can come stay with us? Can't you?" She smiled.

I knew the answer before Stark said it, "Sure, I can come stay with you guys for a while."

Bonnie smile was huge, she had just won her prize. "Okay then, go get some clothes and come with us. Alan, go help him," Bonnie commanded.

Stark's father walked through the doorway and pushed me to the wall. I slammed the door in Bonnie's face, but she opened the door, shook her head like I was a disobedient child, ad walked inside.

Before he left, Stark bent to give me a kiss goodbye, but I slapped his cheek, not to hard that it would bruise or anything, but hard enough to show what I was feeling. Then I watched as my boyfriend, my world, left me like I was a piece of dirt.

I called Stevie Rae and told her the story, then she invited me to come out with her and Rephiam. I turned her down gently saying I need to clean. Which was truth enough. I hung up the phone and went to go do the dishes.

I heard my phone ring four hours after Stark had left. I looked at the number, speak of the devil. I hesitated contemplating not answering it, but gave in. I hit the answer button. "What?"

"_How are you?"_

"Did you really just ask me that?"

"_Yea."_

"You seriously just left me like a bag of dirt, and said nothing while you mother called me a bitch. How do you think I am?"

"_Z, you know I can't say no to my mom." _He whined.

"Whatever. What'd you call me for anyway?"

"_Do you know what time I have chemo tomorrow?"_

"One, same as today."

"_Also, mom said to tell you that you shouldn't come to my treatments anymore. She's got it covered. Is that okay?"_

"You know what! You can go tell your mother to go to hell!" I shouted.

"_Zoey!"_

"Oh give me a break! And don't call me again!" I yelled then threw my phone across the room, then started crying.

NEXT DAY

I got up and dressed for work the next morning at eight o'clock. I worked as a lawyer for a top company in Oklahoma. I get break because of Stark, but seeing as his parents have it covered, might as well put myself back to work. I got into my car and drove to work.

I had a new case that afternoon it seems. Some guy raped a show girl and she had multiple cuts and lacerations around her body, so now I had to prove she did it. I spent nine hours holed up in my office reading my court files and trying to find every way possible to get this guilty. It was a long day.

I grabbed my jacket and a few other files after another hour and went home. It was almost dark by the time I got home. I check my phone, one missed call. Stark. He didn't leave a voice-mail so I thought that is was unimportant. Then I remembered he had another chemo session today, I contemplated calling him back, but resisted. I made myself some dinner. I had a hot dog and some tea. I drank my tea by the fireplace while I listened to some quiet music.

I finished eating, washed and dried my plate, then put some night clothes on, then went to sleep.

This was my routine for a week straight, until one Saturday afternoon.

I woke up and stretched, finally the weekend I thought to myself. I was almost surprised that Stark hadn't called me at all that week. I had my morning tea and another egg sandwich. I was so tired from work, I won my case on Friday though. The guy said to be guilty and then taken into custody. Made my week to have a successful case. I always kept my phone by me on the weekends because I was always getting calls from work telling me they had a new case arrive and I had been requested for it. My phone rang again, and again it was a number I didn't recognize. I hit the little green button.

"Attorney Zoey Redbird speaking."

"_Well hello Mrs. Redbird, this is Dr. Shat."_

"Oh hello, I'm sorry Stark's not here. I can give the number for where he's staying."

"_That won't be necessary, Stark's here at the hospital. His parents brought him in about a half hour ago."_

"Huh? Then why are you calling me."

"_Mrs. Redbird it seems they have left. Some emergency with a family member."_

"Okay then, but why is Stark in the hospital?" I asked nervous.

"_Stark has developed pneumonia staying at his parents place here, I just did blood test and confirmed it. It should go away on its own in two to three weeks, but we need you to come pick him up and take him home. Is that a problem?"_

"Oh no, I'll be there right away. Thank you,"

"_See you soon,"_

I hung up the phone and grabbed my jacket and headed to my car. Pneumonia, that can be good, I thought.

I arrived at the hospital in less than ten minutes, okay I might have sped a little. I rushed through the door and was met by Dr. Shat.

"Is he okay?" I asked immediately.

"He's running a temperature of one hundred degrees, which is normal so you can take him home, but if it exceeds one-o-three, we need you to call me and bring him in. Give him lots of water, and rest. I will go get a nurse to get wheelchair to bring him out to your car, he is sleeping right now." he said, then left.

A nurse returned a few minutes later with a sleeping, flushed Stark in a wheelchair. I laid him down in the back seat and the nurse left. I got into the drivers seat and drove home.

I opened the back seat to find Stark still sleeping, I touched his forehead, it felt like he was burning up. I cradled him in my arms and brought him into the house. I laid him down on our bed and covered him up because he was shivering despite his temperature. I went back to the car, I had stopped at a drugstore on my way home, and pulled out the white plastic bag that contained a thermometer, and a few other things. I walked back into the house.

I went back to where Stark was and knelt by the bed. I sighed and watched him sleep for a minute, then I got up to go. As I stood up, I felt a clammy hand grab my arm weakly. "Please don't go," he begged weakly.

**So, sorry if I didn't get it to believable with his parents. I hope I did the pneumonia thing right, I did about ten minutes of research for it :) Hope ya'll like it :) Luv Ya'll! :)**


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